first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
where are you?
Hypothermia
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
