sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
