Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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