I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
