I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
