We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
