i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
