you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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