Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
