She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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