I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
