hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
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