Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
