I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
