yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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