Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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