I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
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