She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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