But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
