there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
