Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
