i just had sex bonerless
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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