Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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