look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
