OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
