Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Randomize
