i don't plan on having that self control this summer
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
