I think i sorta joined a cult last night
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
