If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
