I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
