For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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