Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
