Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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