He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
