I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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