Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I smell stomach acid.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
