She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
