Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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