with your own penis?
Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
