Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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