I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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