I wannas sexs uuuuu
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
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