I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
