Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
