honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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