had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Randomize
