Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
