It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
