you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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