There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
