Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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