I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
