I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
